alohawolf

When you think about the musical Hairspray, what comes to mind? An early 1960s musical, perhaps like “Bye Bye Birdie”, that reflects the exuberance of its times. That’s certainly the most common memory. But when you look at it closely, Hairspray is a musical about rebellion. It is about the fight to integrate television in Baltimore, and it is about the fight for size acceptance. It is, in many ways, a fight FOR things that our current political leadership seems to be very strongly against: integration, more visibility for minorities, acceptance of people that that don’t fit the white thin blonde look, acceptance of trans or cross-dressing women, and most importantly, freedom to speak out for what you believe in. This fight for acceptance of the downtrodden is a common theme in John Waters work (and I still wish that, someday, someone will revive the Cry-Baby musical that failed on Broadway its first time out). So Hairspray is in many ways a timely musical (and its themes seem a bit out of place in Thousand Oaks, a white-bread area of California that leans Republican).

But Hairspray is a bit of an overdone musical, and you tend to forget its strong themes in the memories of the music. When 5-Star Theatrical (a dba of the former Cabrillo Music Theatre)  announced it as part of their 2025 season, I was unsure about seeing the show again. After all, we had recently seen the tour of the show at the Dolby Theatre back in May 2023. It was a good non-equity production. But the 5-Star production had two interesting things going for it (one of which, the director, we didn’t know at the time we renewed): it was in the Scherr Forum, not the Kavli, and it was to be directed by the original Broadway lead, Marissa Jaret Winokur. The first was the primary factor of interest. Everytime we’ve seen Hairspray, it has been in a large theatre. We first saw it in the original tour at the Pantages in 2004; we’ve seen school productions; and of course we’ve seen the movie. Had this production been in the Kavli — the large theatre that does the Broadway tours in T.O — I would have been “meh”. But the Scherr Forum is a small space. It is a 394 seat theatre, with limited fly space and stage space. How would a big production like Hairspray work in the small space? Then the director was announced: Marissa Jaret Winokur. We saw her as the lead back in 2004. How well would she do at directing this show, with the additional challenge of the small space? There are times moving from the stage to directing works: Look at how many times Baayork Lee has directed or choreographed A Chorus Line. There are times it does. All of this made this particular production of Hairspray interesting; so yesterday afternoon, we trudged to Thousand Oaks to get our answers.

[As an aside: I’ll note this was a two-show weekend: Saturday night we saw “Fly Me to the Moon: A Tribute to Quincy Jones“, featuring the Pacific Jazz Orchestra^® (Chris Walden, Conductor), with Special Guests José James & Ms. Lisa Fischer. As a musical concert, this is hard to write up other than listing the playlist. It was a great show, but I’m still disappointed that the Soraya has gone to digital programs only.  You can see the full digital program, including the playlist and artist information, at this link (for as long as the link works). There were a number of songs that I liked quite a bit, and Jose James was quite good. I was less enamored with Lisa Fischer: She had a strong voice, but some of her stylings I was less sure of (although she may just have been following the stylings of the original artists).]

Back to Hairspray. First and foremost: This was a very entertaining show. The casting was very strong, and the production team figured out how to use the Scherr Forum space well. It was a very very enjoyable production, and if you can, you should go see it. If there was one thing I didn’t like, it was the confetti cannon at the end. I’ve gotten tired of confetti and glitter cannons in shows. They don’t do anything for the story; they make a mess for the crew to clean up; and they create loads of trash (and often plastic waste) that is unnecessary. If you’re thinking about using a confetti or glitter cannon in your show … just don’t. Spend your money elsewhere.

So let’s work our way through the show. I presume I don’t need to summarize the story for you — if you need a synopsis, go read the Wikipedia page. First, the question of how the show did in the smaller space. My impression was that the choreography was a bit less expansive, and the sets were a bit smaller. The sets, which were from San Pedro Playhouse in San Antonio TX, worked for the space and were probably less expensive than full-size theatre sets. More significant was the lack of overhead fly space, so stuff came in from the wings. But in general, the show worked well for the space and it enabled the audience to see the performers well.

This takes us to the performers, and I’d like to highlight some performances. As always, I note that I find it hard to separate what the director brings from what the actor brings; in a true collaboration, that should be seemless. But what is clearly director should be more in the blocking and movement and larger stuff.

In the lead was Lexie Martin as Tracy Turnblad. I was unsure about her at first, but I grew to really like her performance. She brought a lot of fun to the performance, and her stature (short — she’s 4’10”) and shape made her a very realistic Tracy. She was always really cute (but I tend to have a bias towards that size/shape, if you’ve met my wife). Strong singing and strong performance. A real joy to watch over the show (and I thought I saw a bit of her real personality shining through in Act II).

I really enjoyed the performances of Ryan O’Conner (Edna Turnblad) and Travis Joe Dixon (Wilbur Turnblad). I was unsure originally about the casting of O’Conner, as he seems a bit thinner than the typical person in the role, but he was able to make the character work with costuming. But what more important was the performance he brought, the humor, and the chemistry he had with Dixon. I think “Timeless to Me” is one of the best love songs out there, reflecting the reality of love (as opposed to the picture-perfect love of the Hallmark Channel). These two were believable as that couple, and their adlibbing was hilarious. They rolled with the punches and played with each other, and it was a delight to watch.

Jennifer Leigh Warren was a knockout as Motormouth Maybelle. A strong voice and a singular stage presence shone whenever she was one the stage. She was great in both “Big, Blonde, and Beautiful” and “I Know Where I’ve Been”.

Garrett Clayton (Corny Collins) was more of a weak point for me, although I don’t know how much of it was direction vs actor. He came off as a bit stiffer-faced; I would have liked to see more expression and playfulness. You would expect that in a teen TV host.

A few additional notes: Hannah Sedlacek (Penny Pingleton) started out a bit stiffer (esp. in “I’m a Big Girl Now”), but really warmed up as things moved into the second act. Her performance is one worth watching. Also worth watching is Alexander Brown (Seaweed), who had a lovely voice and stage presence. Michael Baker (Mr. Pinky, as well as Sphritzer) made me think of my Cousin Les, for some reason.

Looking at the ensemble, I was really impressed by Dara Adedara (Dynamite Judine, and other roles): Her movement, her dance, and her voice were all strong. I particularly enjoyed watching her when she was dancing with Christian Tyler Dorey (short, balding black kid, so I could have the name wrong). Luz Rodriquez had strong movement and voice, but had a problem that is common now with younger actors: tattoos. I understand they are personal expression, but for performances consider a sleeve to hide them, as their presence can be incongruous for that character in that era, just distracting from the character they are so carefully creating.

Overall, this was a very strong production, proving again the value of 5-Star for the Ventura County area. It really is the training ground for actors and production members that enables them to go much further. There are so many significant actors that have been showcased and developed through the 5-Star/Cabrillo team; this is one reason we keep going back to them (even with the outrageous parking fees — $16, unjustified for T.O. — and overdone security checks). There is one more weekend for the production: You can get tickets through Ticketmaster; more information on the show is available through the 5-Star Site. Hairspray continues through October 26, 2025.

Credits

Hairspray: The Broadway Musical. Book by Mark O’Donnell and Thomas Meehan. Music by Marc Shaiman. Lyrics by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman. Based on the New Line Cinema film written and directed by John Waters. Directed by Marissa Jaret Winokur. Choreography by Clarice Ordaz.

Cast (^æ indicates Actors Equity): Lexie Martin Tracy Turnblad; Ryan O’Connor^æ Edna Turnblad; Garrett Clayton^æ Corny Collins; Jennifer Leigh Warren^æ Motormouth Maybelle; Becky Lythgoe Velma Von Tussle; Bobby Hogan Link Larkin; Logan Eliza Amber Von Tussle; Alexander J. Brown Seaweed J. Tubbs; Hannah Sedlacek Penny Pingleton; Travis Joe Dixon Wilbur Turnblad; Malia Johnson Little Inez; Rachel McLaughlin Prudy Pingleton; Michael Baker Mr. Pinky; Dara Adedara Dynamite Judine; Luz Rodriguez Dynamite Kamilah; Reiza Landers Dynamite Shayna; Luc Clopton Fender; Amy Smith Brenda; Christian Tyler Dorey Duane; Brody Tarrant Sitton Brad; Charlotte Scally Tammy; Almand Martin Jr. Thad; Wyatt Larrabee Sketch; Irelynn TerraNami Lou Ann; Matthew Smith Gilbert; Madison North Shelly; John Candelaria IQ.

Music Department: Anthony Lucca Music Director and Conductor; Darryl Tanikawa Orchestra Contractor; Gary Rautenberg Flute, Clarinet, Alto Sax, Soprano Sax; Matt Germaine Piccolo, Flute, Clarinet, Tenor Sax, Bari Sax; Bill Barrett Trumpet; June Satton Trombone; Sharon Cooper Violin 1; Laurel Diskin Violin 2; Oliver Walton Cello; Cody Cadena Acoustic & Electric Guitars 1; Dylan Gorenberg Acoustic & Electric Guitars 2; Anthony Lucca Keyboard 1; Sean Alexander Bart Keyboard 2; Chris Kimbler Keyboard 3; Shane Harry Electric Bass; Satoshi Kirasawa Set Drums; Tyler Smith Percussion.

Production and Creative (^æ indicates Actors Equity): Marissa Jaret Winokur Director; Clarice Ordaz Choreographer; Chadd McMillan Associate Director; Mitchell Gerrard Johnson Asst. Director; Camal Pugh Assoc. Choreographer; Vernon Willet^æ Production Stage Manager; Olivia Riddle^æ Assistant Stage Manager; Johnathan A. Burke Sound Design; Julia Pinhey Sound Design; Mia Crocker Sound Mixer; Brandon Baruch Lighting Design; Alex Choate Prop Designer; Taylor Bax-Kuhlmey Props Design; The Theatre Company (Upland CA) Costumes; San Pedro Playhouse (San Antonio TX) Sets; Javier Sanchez Scenic Design; Jacob Holcombe Asst. Prop Design / Crew Chief; Luis Martinez Wig and Hair Design; Tanya Apuya Costume Design; Brian Hashimoto Technical Director; EK Dagenfield Production Manager; David Elzer Publicity; Fresh Interactive Marketing; Michael Donovan CSA and Richie Ferris CSA Casting.

Administrivia

I am not a professional critic. I’m a cybersecurity professional, a roadgeek who does a highway site and a podcast about California Highways, and someone who loves live performance. I buy all my own tickets, unless explicitly noted otherwise. I do these writeups to share my thoughts on shows with my friends and the community. I encourage you to go to your local theatres and support them (ideally, by purchasing full price tickets, if you can afford to do so). We currently subscribe or have memberships at: Center Theatre Group/Ahmanson Theatre; Broadway in Hollywood/Pantages Theatre; Pasadena Playhouse; The Soraya, and 5-Star Theatricals. We’re looking for the right intimate theatre to subscribe at — it hasn’t been the same since Rep East died (it’s now The Main, and although it does a lot of theatre, it doesn’t have seasons or a resident company), and post-COVID, most 99-seaters aren’t back to doing seasons (or seasons we like). I used to do more detailed writeups; here’s my current approach.

Upcoming ♦ Theatre / ♣ Music / ◊ Other Live Performance – Next 90ish Days (⊕ indicates ticketing is pending).

• October: ♦ ha ha ha ha ha ha at Pasadena Playhouse
• November: ♦ Jaja’s African Hair Braiding at CTG/Taper; ♦ Paranormal Activity at CTG/Ahmanson; ♦ Suffs at BIH/Pantages;
• December: ◊ ACSAC Conference; ♣ Ben Platt: Live at the Ahmanson at CTG/Ahmanson; ♣ Nochebuena: A Christmas Spectacular at The Soraya; ♦ Stereophonic at BIH/Pantages;
• January: ♦ The Notebook at BIH/Pantages; ♦ All the Devils Are Here at The Broad;

This entry was originally posted on Observations Along the Road as Resistance and Protest in T. O. | "Hairspray" @ 5-Star Theatricals by cahwyguy. Although you can comment on DW, please make comments on original post at the Wordpress blog using the link to the left. You can sign in with your LJ, DW, FB, or a myriad of other accounts. Note: Subsequent changes made to the post on the blog are not propagated by the SNAP Crossposter; please visit the original post to see the latest version. P.S.: If you see share buttons above, note that they do not work outside of the Wordpress blog.

Another three months, another highway page update cycle completed, finishing just after the October 2025 CTC meeting. This cycle, whose changes are detailed on the October 2025 Change Page with proper formatting, or just pasted below, covers August through October 2025. Enjoy, and as always, “ready, set, discuss”.

Next up: Continuing work on the California Highways: Route by Route Season 4 episodes. I’ve written the episodes through 4.06, and recorded 4.01. So next is recording 4.02, writing 4.07, and doing the research for the rest of the season (on Route 12, Route 13, and Route 14).

Note that there’s lots of good stuff buried in the CTC notes, including:

• ♠ (Oct) (3) Approval of Project for Future Consideration of Funding: 01-Men-1, PM 43.3/44.2. Albion River Bridge Project. Replace the Albion River Bridge on Route 1 in Mendocino County near Albion from 3.0 miles north of the Route 128 junction to 0.2 mile north of the Albion River. (FEIR) (PPNO 4490) (SHOPP)
  (Related Items under Ref. 2.5b.(2) and 2.5b.(3))
• ♠ (Oct) (4) Approval of Project for Future Consideration of Funding: 03-Sacramento County. I Street Bridge Replacement Project. New two-lane bridge to replace existing two-lane vehicle crossing.  (FEIR) (PPNO 1809)  (LPP) [Note: This is former Sign Route 24]
• ♠ (Oct) (6) Approval of Project for Future Consideration of Funding: 07-LA-39, PM 40.0/44.4. California State Route 39 (San Gabriel Canyon Road) Reopening Project. Restore and reopen a segment of Route 39 as an evacuation route and for use by the Department, United States Forest Service, and emergency-response personnel. (FEIR) (PPNO 5381) (SHOPP)
  (Related Item under Ref. 2.5b.(2))
• ♠ (Oct) (7) Approval of Project for Future Consideration of Funding: 10-Stanislaus County. 7^th Street Bridge Project. Replace existing structurally deficient two-lane bridge with a four-lane bridge.  (FEIR) (PPNO 1809) (LPP) [Note: This is former US 99]

And, of course, all the financial allocations. It is worth reading through them.

On to the changelog:

This update covers the rest of August, September, and October 2025. Before we dive into the updates to the California Highways site, an update on the California Highways: Route by Route podcast. As always, you can keep up with the show at the podcast’s forever home at https://www.caroutebyroute.org , the show’s page on Spotify for Podcasters, or you can subscribe through your favorite podcaster or via the RSS feeds (CARxR, Spotify for Podcasters) . The following episodes have been posted since the last update in early August:

• August | CA RxR 3.14: Freeway Exit (Bonus). Bonus Episode 3.14 continues our inter-season gap between Seasons 3 and 4. This episode we’re sharing an episode of the excellent Freeway Exit podcast from KPBS San Diego. Freeway Exit, hosted by Andrew Bowen, is an exploration of San Diego’s freeways, their costs, and how they can be part of the solution. It covers the forgotten history of the urban freeway network, and how decades after that network was finished, some communities are still working to heal the wounds that freeways left behind. The episode we’ve chosen to share focuses on the Cabrillo Freeway, Route 163, through Balboa Park, and explores the question: Is it time to remove the freeway? After the episode, we have a discussion with Andrew about the podcast, the the San Diego freeway system, and how highways fit into the bigger picture. Oh, and we discover what he is doing next with the podcast, and try to convince him to do one on the Route 710 gap. This episode is also a test of using Zencaster to record the podcast. Hopefully it sounds better, and next time I’ll move my microphone a bit further back. Zencaster also gives us the ability to have transcripts. Would folks want them included in the post? One more bonus episode is in the works: An interview with the LA Metro Archivist. We’ll pick up in the October with Season 4, which will cover Route 8 through Route 14.  PS: Support KPBS, or your local PBS/NPR Station (Spotify for Podcasters)
• September | CA RxR 3.15: LA Metro Archives (Bonus). A New Year’s Gift for you: Our last Bonus Episode of Season 3. Episode 3.15 features an interview with Claire Kennedy, Archivist for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Transportation Agency (LA Metro). In this role, Claire manages the LA Metro Archives, which date back to the 1800s and the earliest horse-drawn transportation in the city. These archives cover not only the wide variety of transit agencies in Los Angeles, but also the highway and road system as Metro is the Regional Transportation Agency. These archives are a public resource, and are open by appointment; information on how to make an appointment is in the podcast (and below). Note that we had some trouble with Zencastr this episode; we fell back to FreeConferenceCall.com. We’ll pick up in the October with Season 4, which will cover Route 8 through Route 14. (Spotify for Podcasters)
• October | CA RxR 4.01: I-8, Former Route 109, Route 209, and US 80 in San Diego. Welcome to Season 4 of CA Highways: Route by Route. Episode 4.01 is the first half of our exploration of Route 8. This episode covers the 8th State Highway, which became LRN 36 and later Route 194. It covers LRN 8, which ran from Ignacio (Novato) to Cordelia via Napa, and became parts of Route 37, Route 121, Route 12, and Route 29. We look at Sign Route 8, which became today’s Route 26. And lastly, we look at I-8 in San Diego, including its historical ancestor US 80. This includes former Route 209 to Point Loma, which was part of LRN 12 and possibly US 80, and former Route 109, which became the portion of Route 8 W of I-5 (and you’ll learn why that is not I-8). Episode 4.02 will pick up the story and explore the rest of I-8/US 80 between San Diego and the Arizona Border, including a discussion of the Imperial Highway. (Spotify for Podcasters)

Turning to the updates to the California Highways pages: Updates were made to the following highways, based on my reading of the (virtual) papers and my research for the fourth season of the podcast in June and July 2025 (which are posted to the roadgeeking category at the “Observations Along The Road” and to the California Highways Facebook group) as well as any backed up email changes. I also reviewed the the AAroads forum (Ꜳ). This resulted in changes on the following routes, with credit as indicated [my research^(ℱ), contributions of information or leads (via direct mail or ꜲRoads) from Nathan Edgars (NE2)⁽²⁾, Tom Fearer⁽³⁾, Ann Maris⁽⁴⁾, Adrian Ople/City of Brawley⁽⁵⁾, Plutonic Panda⁽⁶⁾]: Route 1^(ℱ,3), Route 2^(ℱ), Route 3⁽²⁾, Route 9^(ℱ), Route 11^(ℱ),  Route 17^(ℱ), Sign Route 18^(ℱ), Route 28^(ℱ), Route 29^(ℱ), Route 36⁽²⁾, Route 38^(ℱ), Route 47^(ℱ), Route 49^(ℱ,3), Route 57^(ℱ), Route 59 (Atwater-Merced Expressway)⁽³⁾, Route 60^(ℱ), Route 61^(ℱ), LRN 69^(ℱ), Route 71^(ℱ,6), I-80^(ℱ), US 80^(ℱ), Route 89^(ℱ), Route 91^(ℱ,6), US 97^(ℱ), Route 99^(ℱ), US 101^(ℱ), LRN 105^(ℱ), LRN 107^(ℱ), Route 120^(ℱ), Route 131^(ℱ), Route 133^(ℱ), Route 166^(ℱ), Route 180⁽³⁾, Route 185^(ℱ),  LRN 226^(ℱ), Route 227⁽³⁾, LRN 228^(ℱ), Route 238^(ℱ,4), LRN 252^(ℱ), Route 260^(ℱ), I-580^(ℱ), I-680^(ℱ), I-710^(ℱ), I-880^(ℱ), Imperial County Sign Route S31⁽⁵⁾.
(Source: private email through 10/19/2025, Highway headline posts through and including the September 2025 Headline post, AARoads through 10/18/2025)

Continued work on Season 4 of the Route by Route podcast. It is surprising how pulling the thread on one particular route’s page touches a large number of routes, and often results in a reorganization and deep review of information on the page that may have gotten stale in the light of subsequent research. This resulted in changes and updates to the following routes: Route 3, I-5, Route 9, I-10, Route 11, Route 17, Route 18, Route 26, Route 30, Route 36, Route 38, Route 74, Route 110, Route 118, Route 138, Route 172, Route 195, Route 206, Route 236, Route 248, Route 259, Route 262, US 40, US 48, US 60, US 70, US 66, US 91, US 99, US 395, LRN 5, LRN 9, LRN 26, LRN 31, LRN 35, LRN 42, LRN 43, LRN 44, LRN 59, LRN 154, LRN 161, LRN 171, LRN 172, LRN 173, LRN 186, LRN 190, LRN 191, LRN 205, LRN 240.

As the Maps page is rapidly turning to a “research starting point” page, added a link to the AASHTO Route Numbering Archive, which is a great starting point for researching the history of US and Interstate numbering. Adding this, in preparation for the bonus podcast episode on the LA Metro Archives, led to updating and correcting a number of links on the map pages that had gone stale, and adding in a few more links, especially some meta links like the Digital Library Directory.

Reviewed the Pending Legislation page, based on the California Legislature site, for bills through 2025-10-19. As usual, I recommend to every Californian that they visit the legislative website regularly and see what their legis-critters are doing. As many people are unfamiliar with how the legislature operates (and why there are so many “non-substantive changes” and “gut and amend” bills), I’ve added the legislative calendar (updated for 2025) to the end of the Pending Legislation page. Noted the passage of the following bills / resolutions:

In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America, a musical telling of the founding of America through the Battle of Yorktown (Volume 2 goes through the end of World War I (“They’ll never be another war…”)). The first scene on Volume 1 relates the story of how the Native Americans discovered Columbus. Although many things have changed since 1961 when this was recorded — Columbus is no longer held in the same regard, the portrayal of the Native American would be very different — there are still points that ring true, especially the exchange:

Columbus: Alright. Hello there. Hello there. We white man. Other side of ocean. My name, Christopher Columbus.
Chief: Oh, you over here on a Fulbright?
Columbus: No, no. I’m over here on an Isabella, as a matter of fact. Which reminds me. I want to take a few of you guys back on the boat to prove I discovered you.
Chief: What you mean discover us? We discover you.
Columbus: You discovered us?
Chief: Certainly, we discover you on beach here. Is all how you look at it.

Over 15 years ago, I started posting this particular scene from The United States of America every year on Indigenous People Day (nee Columbus Day). I do it as a celebration of Stan Freberg, who died in 2015 at age 88, one of the best satirists America has seen. Although it is clearly dated, every time I hear it I find new references and insights. It is always Stan Freberg day for me.  It is a day when we celebrate the story of how Native Americans discovered a Italian sailor, and the world was never the same. Just look at all he brought us: “real food: starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, … all the better things. That’s called progress.” It is a day when we celebrate how the inhabitants of Miami Beach discovered an illegal boat person on their shore, and made the gigantic mistake of offering him and the others on his boat asylum… and look at what happened. It’s a day that highlights the arrogance of Columbus and his party, just taking land and pushing aside the Native Americans. Or, just perhaps, it is a day that celebrates a city in Ohio for reason no one really knows, other than we needed to give bankers a 3-day weekend in October, because we all know they need the respite.

In any case, the banks are still closed.

I present a transcription of the scene, just as it happened. If you would like to listen to it, here’s the YouTube of the track:

NARR: 1492, Madrid. The Queen of Spain grants an audience to an obscure Italian sailor. There, in her chambers, plans are made destined to change the course of history.
COLUMBUS (CC): Alright, we’ll go over it once again. First you hock the jewels, you give me the money and I buy the ships. Then I discover the new world, you dump the king, and I’ll send for you.
QUEEN ISABELLA (QI): You say you’ll send for me, dahling, but will you?
CC: Look, we’ve been all through this before.
QI: I know, but really, you’re such a dreamer. You’ll go out there and sail right off the end of the world.
CC: I will not!
QI: You’re such a charming boy, dahling. Why don’t you forget all this? I’ll set you up with a nice little Fiat agency over in West Barcelona.
CC: I don’t want a Fiat agency!
QI: Then why don’t you go to art school like your friend, Da Vinci? I’ll put you through.
CC: If Lenny wants to starve to death, that’s up to Lenny. Me, I want to discover the new world, carry out my dream. (trumpet fanfare)

ANNOUNCE: His Majesty, King Ferdinand.

QI: (gasp) The King.
CC: Oh, sure, he’ll be at the inquisition all afternoon.
QI: Time just slipped away. Quickly, take the jewels and go, over the balcony. (door opens)
CC: Too late.

QI: Good afternoon dear. How was the inquisition? Amusing?
KING FERDINAND (KF): Dullsville. Same old… say, who’s that?
QI: You remember Christopher Columbus.
KF: You mean old “round, round world”. (laughs). You and your Bohemian friends.
QI: He’s not Bohemian, he’s Italian.
KF: Italian, Bohemian. Look at him in that hat. Is that a crazy sailor?

QI: Crazy? I’ll tell you how crazy. He’s a man with a dream, a vision. A vision of a new world, whose alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears. With purple mountains magestied above the 2 cents plain
CC & KF: (fruited)
QI: Fruited. He holds these griefs to be self-evident, this “round, round world” with Indians and justice for all. Let us then go forward together toward Miami Beach, so that the dream of this crazy Italian boy, indivisible, should not perish from the map. (cheers from crowd)

CC: Is that moving? Was that a great bit?
KF: I always said this girl had a lot of…Wait a minute! I ask a simple question, I get a pageant. Why should Spain sponsor you? Why don’t you go to Portugal?

CC: I did—they bought “The Price is Right”
KF: Oh.

CC: Then I have your permission to sail?
KF: Have you had your shots?
CC: I have.
KF: Permission granted.
CC: Gracias. Areva Derchi
KF: Hasta La Vista
QI: Adios (Mariachi band: Adios Muchachos, Compañareros)

KF: Would you get out of here? (footsteps) Strange, he left by the balcony.
QI: Force of habit I guess.
KF: Yeah, yeah, how’s that again.
QI: Nothing.
KF: Isabella? When are you going to quit fooling around with these nuts?

(on ship) 1st Mate: Admiral Columbus, sir. The men are weary, on the point of madness.
CC: Well, that’s the trouble with labor today. Don’t they realize we’re going to discover the New World?
KF: You’ve been saying that for the last 57 days.
CC: Nobody forced you to come along, your Majesty.
KF: My doctor told me I should go to Florida for the winter.

KF: I still can’t see what you needed three ships for?
CC: I got a better deal on the fleet rate.
KF: I’ll accept that. But we better sight land soon, there’s rumblings of mutiny.
CC: Really?
KF: Come over here and listen

Crew: Rumble. Rumble. Rumble. Mutiny. Mutiny. Mutiny.

CC: I see what you mean. I’ll jump up here on the rigging and speak to them.
KF: You mean on top of everything else this ship is rigged?

CC: Now hear this! This is the Admiral speaking. I know the going has been rough, but if you can just hold out a little while.
Crew: (rumble rumble)
CC: Stop that rumbling down there.
KF: Who can blame them! The whole thing is madness! I don’t like the way the crew is acting!
CC: You’re overplaying it a little bit yourself there.
KF: I tell you the world is flat, and that’s that!
CC: It’s round as your hat!
KF: It’s flat as your head!
CC: It’s round!
KF: It’s flat!

CC: It’s a round, round world
It’s a round, round world

I contend it’s round,
and it’s gonna be found
When all the results are in
It’s a round world now and it’s always been

KF: Flat Flat world
It’s a flat, flat world
I insist it’s flat as a welcoming mat
And he’s sailing off the end
How about our crazy Itralian friend?

CC: Friend, Get hip
Would I climb aboard this ship
If I didn’t have odds the earth was highly spherical

KF: It’s a miracle if it is

CC: Square, square king
You’re a square, square king
If you don’t believe
You’re gonna receive
The shock of your royal life
When the ship pulls in at Miami…

Crew: Yo, ho, ho and a Dramamine
We are loyal subjects of the king and queen
But what kind of nut would you have to be
To borrow a ship and put out to sea
When you don’t know what’s on the other side

[Simultaneously:]

KF: All week long on a hardtack bun
Brother, who said getting there is half the fun
Give up my throne for one Navy Bean
No wonder I’m turning three shades of green
How could I go on such a loony trip

CC: Round, round world
It’s a round, round world
I contend it’s round
And it’s gonna be found
When all the results are in
It’s a round world now
And it’s always been

[Simultaneously:]

Crew: Crazy kind of scheme
It’s a cockamamie dream
If we don’t sight land we’re gonna scream

CC: Get hip
Would I climb aboard this ship
If I didn’t have odds
The earth was highly spherical

KF: It’s a miracle if it is

[Simultaneously:]

Crew: Yo, ho, ho through the wind and rain
There’s a typhoon coming up
But where’s John Wayne?

CC: Square, square crew
You’re a square, square crew

[Simultaneously:]

CC: If you don’t believe
You’re gonna receive
The shock of your salty lives
When I take command in the name of…

KF: I feel like a red witch having a wake
How much of the ocean bit do you think I can take
Claim that land in the name of…

CC: Isabella and Ferdinand
KF: That’s Ferdinand and Isabella:

Both: New rulers of this round, round world
Crew: Crazy kind of scheme, It’s a cockamamie dream, but we hope that’s its a round, round world.

KF: Well, for all our sakes, I hope that…
Lookout: Land Ho! (horn fanfare)

KF: What was that?
CC: French horns.
KF: No, before that.
CC: It was the lookout, he sighted land.

Crew: Hurray

CC: Quickly, hand me the glass.
KF: Alright.
CC: No, no, the other one.
KF: Oh? (pause) Oh. (sound of wine pouring)
CC: To the New World!
KF: Likewise (clink)

KF: Alright, alright, give the kid top billing.
CC: I claim this land in the name of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain.
Chief: How?
CC: Well, first I stick the flag in the sand, and then I…
KF: Watch yourself Admiral. Natives. They may be hostile.
CC: Well, we’re all a little hostile now and then. Some of us are able to sublimate. Others can’t adjust. You know how it is.
KF: I know, but you better try to talk to him.
CC: Alright. Hello there. Hello there. We white man. Other side of ocean. My name, Christopher Columbus.
Chief: Oh, you over here on a Fulbright?
CC: No, no. I’m over here on an Isabella, as a matter of fact. Which reminds me. I want to take a few of you guys back on the boat to prove I discovered you.
Chief: What you mean discover us? We discover you.
CC: You discovered us?
Chief: Certainly, we discover you on beach here. Is all how you look at it.
CC: Yeah, I suppose. (pause) Well, my men and I were wondering if you could spare a little food.
Chief: What kind num-nums you want?
CC: What is that strange looking plant you’re holding there, with the little yellow kernels?
Chief: You mean this? (trumpet fanfare)
CC: Yes, what is that?
Chief: French horns.

CC: No, no, what you’re holding in your hand.
Chief: Oh, corn.
CC: That’s what I thought it was. What else you got to eat around here?
Chief: Berries, herbs, natural fruits, and organically grown vegetables.
CC: Just as I suspected. What kind of a diet is that! That’s why I’ve come here, to fulfill my dream.

Chief: You have a dream?
CC: Yes I do.
Chief: Would you like to talk about it?
CC: I certainly would. My dream is to open the first Italian restaurant in your country. Give you some real
food: starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, … all the better things. That’s called progress.
Chief: Hmmm.

CC: Now right here would be a good location for the restaurant, ocean view and all that. Is there room for a parking lot?
Chief: You kidding? Whole country is parking lot.

CC: I suppose. Well, I’d like to put a little deposit down on the property, here…
Chief: OK
CC: …I only have a few dubloons on me, so if you direct me to the nearest bank, I’ll get a check cashed.

Chief: You out of luck today. Banks closed.
CC: Oh, why?
Chief: Columbus Day.
CC: Oh, yeah. (pauses) We going out on that joke?
Chief: No, we do reprise of song, that help.
CC & IC: But not much… no…

Simultaneously:

CC: Round, round world
It’s a new found world
And the land looks good
Like a continent should
Complete with a flag unfurled

Native Americans: Yo, ho, ho and a buckskin sleeve
Now the white man’s here I guess
It’s time to leave
But why go to war and fight like a jerk
Perhaps we can pick up some kind of work

Native Americans: In an Indian extravaganza
Wyatt Earp or Bonanza

CC: Please don’t call us, we’ll call you

KF: Step aside pal, meet the new
Both: Big cheeses of this round, round world!

This entry was originally posted on Observations Along the Road as It’s Stan Freberg Day, and the Banks are Closed by cahwyguy. Although you can comment on DW, please make comments on original post at the Wordpress blog using the link to the left. You can sign in with your LJ, DW, FB, or a myriad of other accounts. Note: Subsequent changes made to the post on the blog are not propagated by the SNAP Crossposter; please visit the original post to see the latest version. P.S.: If you see share buttons above, note that they do not work outside of the Wordpress blog.